Breaking the Silence on Sexual Abuse

“The man who was my abuser was a fine host, a good husband, a caring father, a respected elder whose generosity and kindness were as genuine as the fact of the abuse,” Nilanjana S. Roy wrote in The Opinion Pages. “These qualities were important, because they helped him conceal the abuse he carried out over a period of four years.”

“As a much-loved older relative, a close friend of my parents, he had unrestricted access to our house, and we visited him often,” Ms. Roy wrote. “It was only at 12 that I began to feel uncomfortable. Not about the abuse â€" I didn’t know the term ‘child sexual abuse’ at 9 or at 12, and had no words with which to describe my discomfort with the ‘games’ he played â€" but about the silence that he demanded.”

If my story saddens you, please think about this: Itis neither new nor rare, nor was the man who abused me a monster, or in any way out of the ordinary. According to a 2007 survey (the largest of its kind in India) conducted by the Ministry of Women and Child Welfare, over 53 percent of Indian children have experienced some form of sexual abuse â€" including a slightly higher percentage of boys than girls.

I am only one of many. And I was luckier than most; my abuser was not excessively violent. As I learned to acknowledge the abuse and to cope with the fallout, I made some unexpected connections, found good friends, found strong mentors, found help, found my voice again and built a happier, more free life. I’m breaking my silence today to make a point, not about abuse, but about the importance of consent in the present debate over women’s rights and gender equality in India.

“I’m breaking my silence today to make a point, not about abuse,” Ms. Roy wrote, “but about the importance of consent in the present debate o! ver women’s rights and gender equality in India.”

Without consent, the idea that nobody can “be forced to share their bodies with partners (or strangers) under any circumstances,” there can be no gender equality, Ms. Roy wrote.

“The debate in India over rape laws, particularly marital rape, is about the simplest thing of all,” she wrote, “acknowledging that women (and men, and children) have a right over their own bodies.”

Read the full op-ed»